Seeking Validation, The Healthy Way

Hey Party People,

Where do you get your feelings of worthiness? From the inside or the outside? Do you depend on external validation to lift you up? Or are you your own source of light? The goal would be to ground this belief within ourselves so we can tap into it at any time. But this belief can take time to solidify.

I’ve been receiving the message to believe that I am enough, I am loved, and I am worthy of all I desire. I am also reminded that those are facts regardless of what I do in the public eye. Those things remain true regardless of how many followers I have on social media, regardless of how many subscribers I have on my blog (but please do subscribe, it still makes me happy), or how many clients I secure, or if I publish a book, or become a “successful” entrepreneur. Those things are not indicators of my self-worth. It comes down to how I feel when I’m in stillness. This is when I discover what I truly believe about myself.

How do you feel about yourself when you’re in stillness? When was the last time you sat with yourself and tapped into you? That’s a great journal prompt or exercise to try out this coming week. But keep reading I have more magic below.

Now let’s get a little more truthful. Yes, we are worthy regardless of what the outside world says…but it sure feels good when the outside world acknowledges us doesn’t it? Where it becomes problematic is when our sense of worthiness is completely dependant on external sources – that’s when we set ourselves up to crash.

There is a grey area though - a way to seek validation the healthy way.

At times when you’re feeling uncertainty, resistance, or fear it can be helpful to reach out to others to lift you up. Gold star status comes when we can tap into our own self-worth in these insecure moments and lift ourselves up. But what do we do in the meantime on our journey towards this self-worth? And how do we avoid others from becoming a crutch?

Well, I have an idea…

It's ok to seek validation outside ourselves but ONLY when we are intentional about it, we choose the people that validate us, and we can receive the words people share with us. Here’s how I suggest you go about it.

Be Intentional.

Seek out external support but not from the whole world. Instead, be intentional about who you get it from. This is where your community comes in - the circle of people who are always rooting for you. Ask them for support. Select Carefully. Choosing the right people to support you in vulnerable moments is crucial. Be careful not to seek out individuals who will feed your fears or insecurities. Not everyone is suited to support you in this way.

Acknowledge and Appreciate.

When your people show up for you acknowledge and appreciate them, first and foremost. Then acknowledge and appreciate the words they share with you, about you. Listen to how they see you.

Receive and Internalize.

Truly feel and receive the words shared with you. This will begin to saturate your inner being with love and kindness and strengthen your belief in yourself. Over time you won’t need this outside support as often. After speaking with your person or people sit with the words they shared with you. Replay them in your head and allow them to be absorbed into your being.

Reflect.

Notice how you feel when people tell you how incredible, inspiring, brave, smart, creative, fearless, kind, beautiful, supportive and amazing you are. Do you believe them? Or do your gremlins immediately pop up and deny them to be true? If you resist these opinions simply notice that. Go back and practice the step above. Continue to replay the kind words shared with you. With time you will start to absorb this love into your heart, and it will grow.

We all have those “I suck” moments. We’re human! The above steps can help you seek a little validation in a healthy way. At the end of the day though it all comes down to you. Your internal sense of worthiness is what matters. Others can help, but you gotta believe you are enough, right now no matter what you do, or don’t do.

Self-love is a process (believe me I am trying!). Stay patient. Be kind. And never give up on yourself. I believe in you, even if you don’t just yet.

Here’s your party jam for the week!

Soar – Christina Aguilera

With Gratitude,

S

P.S. ICYMI! I shared a post a little bit ago about the work we do that others don’t see. The more time you spend working on yourself the deeper the transformations become. These changes begin to happen on a cellular level, a soul level, and people won’t see these changes. We don’t do the inner work for others though, we do The Work Nobody Sees for the betterment of ourselves and ourselves alone. Check that post and let me know what you think!

And as always please share! If you liked this week’s message or previous posts I would be beyond grateful if you shared it on your social platforms or emailed it to a friend who needs some encouragement.